Loose cannon

Rends wiped his silvery blade clean on the shirt of the corpse. Then for good measure he gave the body a solid kick in the ribs. When it didn't react he nodded in satisfaction and turned to note Zas trailing after another mark. Rends' toes squished wetly in his ruined boot and he grimaced.

Damnit I liked these boots.

He took a moment to make sure the area was cleared, then approached Eaton and grabbed his arm.

"I'm all about a good scrap now and then, but you wanna tell me what the Hell you was thinkin'? You baited these Leeches without even tellin' anybody what you was doin'. You didn't even try to signal one of us or get the Stranger's attention. You tryin' to be the new lone wolf now that Mocks is gone or what? Cuz that shit ain't gonna fly no more."

Blood still dripped from the saber in Eaton's other hand as he gave a disapproving glare and a grunt,  

"If I was tryin' to be discrete, I did a pretty terrible job- with the whole drawin' attention to them and all. The way Zoe was flirtin' with those other creeps, I was thinkin' you'd have been more concerned about her- ya know I know how to take care of myself."  

He looked at the two corpses, then back at Rends,  "Lone wolf . . . what? Ya really just upset I wasn't explicitly askin' for your help? You can sniff out a fight halfway across the state. I was figurin' you'd know where ya had to intercede."

He jerked on his hand to pull it from Rends, but it was the Arhoun's decision to release.

Rends doesn't release his grip, though some of the anger does recede from his voice.

"Zoe was followin' up on a plan the rest of us came up with. Carver and Ilyanna are with her. I would be too, but I had to split off and back you up when you did your own thing. Zas is off right now tailin' somethin' he saw when he followed us out. But you'd already know most of that if you'd stopped fer half a second and at least told us you was plannin' somethin'."

Rends sighs and finally lets go of Eaton's arm. He shakes his head as he locks eyes with the Galliard.

"I ain't mad cuz you started a fight. What we did here was right. What bothers me is that jest a few days ago you was gettin' onto me fer throwing myself into a fight with no plan and you was right to say somethin'. Now you's pullin' the same shit yerself. You're a warrior, like me. More than any of the others. But you're also the one who tries to think of ways to get what we need without always comin' to a brawl. I count on you to have a level head and help me keep my own Rage in check when I'm too eager fer a fight, then to be by my side when the fight starts. But lately I can't count on you fer that, not like I used to."

Rends holds Eaton's eyes, intent and focused but twinged with hurt.

"Not since we lost Mocks."

Eaton let out a small laugh,  "Hey, give me some credit. I had a plan: try and see if I could win somethin' off 'em after realizin' they were leeches, find a reason they'd wanna deck me 'cause bein' a half-breed apparently wasn't enough, then hand it to 'em out here. When would I have had a chance to . . ."

He paused, remembering that their Philodox did try and ask him what his plan was as he sat at the players table, only to have Eaton dismiss him with an uninformative remark. He shook his head and continued, "Look, the point is, I thought that whole situation was pretty self-explanatory so it didn't require your privileged stratagem. And if you're thinkin' this is some sort of new occurrence,"  

He stuck his saber into the ground and crossed his arms over his chest,  "Am I the one who changed after what happened in the Abyss, or are you the one just lookin' for hints of betrayal?"

Rends shakes his head.

"You got it wrong, Eaton. I did change. I realized I can't hold myself responsible fer the decisions of the people around me and I let myself stop feelin' guilty about others' failures or my own. I've never denied I'm eager fer a fight. I always will be, but I always make an effort to control myself and remember that it ain't jest my skin I'm gamblin' with. But this ain't about me."

He holds Eaton's gaze still, unwavering.

"You ain't gonna shove me off course like that though. We all went through some shit down in that Hell. Me, Zas and Zoe did our grieving and moved on. I ain't convinced you have. I don't know if you feel responsible for what happened to Mocks, or what that place said in your head or what you seen, but ever since we came back from there you been acting different. It ain't a big thing; I reckon nobody outside the pack or Jana even notices. But they is somethin' different. We been through too much together fer me not to say somethin', and I deserve more than evasion and baiting from you. So let me ask again, more clear like."

He blinks, still maintaining eye contact as he hitches his thumbs in his suspenders.

"What burden can I help you bear?"

Eaton's face contorted into a snarl, "What burden? How 'bout which?"

He held up his hands and started to list on his fingers, "Losin' a packmate to the wyrm, havin' to constantly worry of our kin back home when were gone for what feels like months at a time, decidin' what the hell we're supposed to do with the caern we've just inherited, dealin' with the fact that I betrayed my own tribe and can't ever repay them, that I've been teased and taunted about findin' the Uktena yet keep makin' no progress, possibly havin' to face the fact that my family might be corrupted or dead, wonderin' why I was abandoned by them at all, the fact that you don't even want me to find them . . ." As the list wore on, his tone shifted from aggravation to anxiety.  

He clenched his fists at his side, "So I beg you pardon, Rends the Gar, if I'm just a teensy bit on edge."

Rends let the rant wash over him, meeting it with a steady gaze and crossed arms.

"Right. If only you had a close friend who's been through pretty well everything you jest described himself. Sure would be nice if someone who kilt his only remaining blood kin after that bastard fell and murdered the rest of my family, got some of his Tribe's kinfolk kilt by his own negligence, had that lead directly to the death of the Garou who I wish had been my father. If only you knew someone who's had to go through all that and misses his own family every day and got torn apart when his best friend became a traitor and had to make peace with all of it. If only such a friend was now tryin' to offer help cuz he sees you strugglin' and it worries him. Sure would be nice, wouldn't it?"

Rends pauses for a moment, eyebrow cocked, then leans forward.

"And in case you don't remember, I'm all for you findin' the Uketena. I think you're wastin' your time and this guilt you're carryin' around is a self indulgence, but I was and remain all for findin' what we can of them and lettin' you see what this 'family' of yours is really about. Once we're done with that though, I'm sure you're gonna pull your head out of your ass and realize that this is all jest a way fer you to get away from your guilt for what we done to those Kinfolk last time we was at the Burnt Rock. We failed those people. We murdered them in cold blood. Runnin' away and tryin' to claim you're some long lost favored son of Uketena and was never really a Bone Gnawer in the first place won't un-kill them. And tryin' to get yourself killed by pulling stupid, needless stunts like this ain't gonna fix anything. I'm tellin' you this because last time I let myself act a fool and rush into a battle we wasn't ready for cuz I was tryin' to make a point about Robert being a weak leader I coulda got all of us killed and did manage to humiliate myself in front of my entire Tribe."

He flicks the empty space where his ear should be.

"Don't repeat my mistakes. You's better than that. If you're dealin' with some shit and you can feel it tearin' you down and you don't know how to go on, let us know gotdamnit! I'd have kilt myself years ago if I hadn't leaned on y'all! Don't be so selfish and arrogant that you don't let your real family help you when you need it!"

He finishes with a finger poking Eaton's chest, punctuating the words. Rends sighs after a pause, leaning back again to create some space.

"You know I almost let Gyrre have me when we was down there? He gave me the same offer as Mocks. I was this close."

He holds two fingers barely apart.

"Then I looked around and I saw y'all and I knew I couldn't do it.You gave me the strength to resist even in that Hellhole. I couldn't have done that if I only looked inside fer strength."

Eaton closed his eyes and pinched his brow. "I didn't want to bring any of this up before cause I'm well, the Gallaird. If I'm feelin' down, how's that gonna boost moral? But from the sound of it, ya still noticed somethin's off- guess I still suck at keepin' it in. I ain't so worried about what I've done, but what I'm about to do."

He opened his eyes and met Rends gaze, the anger replaced with resolution.

"I talked about this with Zas, but I want you to know too: I ain't just wantin' to find those abandoned Uktena Garou and kin so I could ask 'em for clues on where I came from. Havin' all those folks sittin' there and feelin' sorry for themselves is a waste of their potential. I was thinkin' that- now Final Legend permittin'- that we may be able to get 'em with the Bone Gnawers. They took me in, I know they'd take them."

He let out a sign and his closed his eyes again, "What Macload said back when he passed his judgement . . . even as a Galliard I didn't know words could sting that badly. But just goin' up to and tryin' to convince him I ain't just a murderer lookin' for glory from the other tribes ain't gonna do anythin'- I need to show that I do still care for those who can't defend themselves."

He stands up straighter,  "I'm thinkin' this is my once chance to own up for what I did. But that don't mean treatin' you, Zas, or anyone else like crap."

Rends nods along a few times.

"Right. Makes sense. I reckon it's only right to try and make up fer what we done to them Kinfolk. And havin' more claws to call on is always a good thing."

He nods to himself again, scratching at his beard.

"It does hurt, havin' Uncle McLeod so angry with us. I reckon jest about any price would be worth payin' to get them back on our side. You shoulda mentioned that sooner. It'll be more convincin' if we all try and recruit them rather than jest you."

Eaton had a searching gaze for a moment, before his expression gave way to relieve. He then said quickly,

"I was gonna include ya'll. Really! Its just that, like I said, I didn't wanna spread around false hope. Heck, I don't knows if it's gonna be possible to bring them into rats brood. But . . . know ya know. I guess know it was a little silly to hide that fact from everyone."

He shoulders slumped before he said,  "Ya know, I'm feelin' kinda embarrassed how I treated you and Zas. Well, everyone around me, really. I shouldn't be so focused on findin' one family I make ill with the one I got."

He broke out into a uneasy grin, "So, uh, no hard feelin's?"

A small smile plays across Rends' face.

"Ya, like I said, we are your real family. You shoulda known better'n to try and hide somethin' like this from us."

Rends holds Eaton's gaze for a moment longer, then shrugs.

"No hard feelin's. I can't blame a man fer tryin' to set a wrong to rights. Even if methods leave somethin' to be desired. In fact I'm glad to hear you've got a plan. Way you was actin' I was afraid you was havin' trouble at home or some such, but this is somethin' I can actually help with rather'n jest help drink it away!"

He chuckles and slaps the Galliard on the back.