Setting the Record Straight

After a tense day of travel during which Mocks gave Zas some distance and Zas, Eaton, and Rends had seemed to form a new bond, Zoe decided to make good on her promise to Kefka and speak with Zas.

After they made camp and ate dinner, Zoe pulled Zas to the side a fair distance from the pack. Her words were firm but not harsh. She simply wished to exude the strength that Zas seemed to believe was all of a sudden so important.

"Snowy Owl, I need to speak with you. I believe I did you a disservice back in San Antonio. I told Rends he needed to speak with you about any perceived weaknesses he saw in you, which I assume he did and is now why you seem to be almost overcompensating for those weaknesses, if Kefka's report is to be believed. Please explain yourself and allow me to judge if your decisions follow Gaia's wisdom or not."

Zas eyed the theurge for a moment before responding, observing her intentional demeanor, authoritative manner as well as her tone of voice that demanded a sense of importance and urgency.

The Philodox's own more beastial nature began to, for a moment at least, slightly wane as he prepared and focused his words, though his wild look and fierce tone remained. "The pack Ahroun and I did speak, yes. I also spoke with Mocks the Night and with Leper friend. It seems as though only you remain.

I will speak with you and tell you why I am changed from the man you met before. I must point out though, that you claim to have disserviced me yet also now demand that I allow you to judge the decisions that I've undertaken since your original offense. This makes you out to be both the offender and the judge. You also seen to be acting under the belief that I had no part in forming my own decisions separate from the actions of others."

Zas then takes a breath as he tries further to reign in his rage as he continues, "I want you to understand, to see clearly why who you see before you is the man this pack needs-please, hear me out."

Zas eyes' fill with passion the more he speaks. His breathing remains steady and calm, though his body seems to be wound tight as a spring. "You know who I was before San Antonio. I was Zas B'ul-an Apache Indian known as Snowy Owl in the white man's tongue. You know me to be a Silent Strider in service to the Prodigals as the pack Philodox. You know that I sought to create unity, to instill peace, to uphold the litany.

What you do not know, is that I have withheld my true nature from you all. I do not mean to say that the things you know of me are false, merely that they are incomplete. I am a warrior, both in my culture and of Gaia. I am wild and as untamed as the mustangs that roam free. I speak my words plainly without restraint so that all may know who stands before them.

In my mind, I felt that it was necessary to not be as I ordinarily am but rather to be a blank Garou. That the pack would be better suited by my being as stone-that you would see me as a firm and solid foundation to fall back on, to lay your concerns on without fear of retaliation. My silence and reservedness was intended to be a calming effect in a Garou world loud angry words and outspokenness often lead to further bloodshed. I was wrong to do this."

Zas's voice then slightly begins to deepen, as his raw animalistic and beastial nature tries to overcome his strength of will. "This seemingly cold and uncaring Garou however is not who I truly am, nor who I will ever be."

"During our fight with the Skin Rippers and the Phoenix, this Stone Facade I had created, crumbled. I realized how much danger we were in, how many risks we had taken, how great the cost would be to me if I were to lose any of you.

The Caern in Nacodoches-you call it home. My home lies far to the west. During my rite of passage I was sent to call for help, as my home was soon to be coming under attack. My people were great warriors-long time bloody bitter enemies with the Comanche. The Comanche had sided with the local white man, and they had amassed a large number of braves to destroy us. My Chieftain knew that without help we stood no chances, and thus I went for help.

In San Antonio, I saw for the first time the great numbers my chief was worried about. I saw the threat that they had faced. I realized that my home, and my tribe were undoubtedly slaughtered. We did not have enough strength to fight off such a powerful force. My quest for aid seemed to go unanswered. I accepted and faced the deaths of all I had once held dear in those bloody fields outside the city. I knew then that my path was clear.

I have no family now. I have no home. The closest thing to a family I claim is this pack. This is all I have left. What you see before you is it.

The man-beast you see before you...this is what and who I truly am-what I've been reduced to. I will not waste any further energy or time upholding a useless fake front. This is my pack; this is now my everything. My focus is no longer divided between ensuring we stay on the safe path and keeping up niceties. I am still a man who seeks peace, but right now we are at War and war does not treat anyone kindly. I intend to do whatever I must to keep you all safe from the clutches of the Wyrm during this war-this may mean sometimes that I nip at you or chase after you. I do not do these things from anger, but rather to steer you in the right and safe direction. I will not allow my pack to fall.

I still respect each of you and whenever possible I swear I will do what I can to be civil but I need you to understand that our foes are everywhere; the wyrm's maw is open and hungry, and as such I can't waste time speaking or acting in a nice way at all times while still performing the duties of my auspice.

'Doing whatever I must' and 'not being civil' in concert with my more aggressive and warlike demeanor are the only things I think that came across to our ragabash. I failed to give him proper justification for my sudden shift. When we both have calmer heads, I think I will try again to make him see why things must change, why I must be me."

Zas then sits back and sighs, closing his eyes- mainly because he had to spend extra concentrated effort to hold back his internal beast, "He called me Bloody Owl. Perhaps right now, during this war, that name is more befitting of me."

Zas then looks back to the theurge before him, eyes open and intensely focused on her as he says with strain, "These are my actions. They are my own. I feel they are wise and prudent. I do what is needed, what must be done. I do not regret revealing my true self to the pack, only that I have not done it sooner. I, Zas B'ul have made the choice to be who and what Gaia intended and as such see no reason why this would challenge her wisdom."

Zas's wild side then comes bursting forth as he shifts to his large black furred four legged sharpened fang filled monstrosity Hispo form and let's loose a rage fueled howl. He then stares at his packmate, intently focusing on her every movement and breath, waiting on her response and ruling.

Zoe listens with an open mind, as the creed of wisdom requires her to listen before she thinks and to think before she speaks. When Zas finishes speaking, it is time for her to think, a task made difficult by the large, angry Hispo standing in front of her. She simply turns her back to him and begins pacing perpendicular to his spot.

"If who you are now is who you are meant to be, who am I to question Gaia? However, I do wish to understand the reasoning for why you would be anyone less."

She turns and faces him at the end of her track, about three feet away from him. Her voice stern, but her eyes concerned.

"Why did you put us in danger by refusing to be the man Gaia made you to be? What service did you think being only half a man would provide to a pack who seems to always find itself in highly volatile situations or to your people? Was your decision driven by fear of how you would be accepted among the Whites if you were your true self?"

At Zoe's questions, the large Hispo's head tilted downward, his ears fell back and his tail curled up beneath him in a sign of submission. He took several steps around the theurge, his head low to the ground sniffing incessantly. As he walked to began to revert to his homid state, and seemed to be deep in thought. When he at last turned to look at her, he said in a woebegone voice, "Pride."

He then hung his head down as he expounded further, "It was not fear, but hubris. I deemed that I knew more than the creator. I thought that I had it all worked out...that by being someone that no one had to try and outdo or best in some fashion, by staying as emotionally detached as possible, by distancing myself that I could serve the pack as an impartial unbiased philodox. It turned out to be an abysmal failure.

Gaia did not make me like that. Perhaps there are some Garou who were created to be that way, but not me. I was fighting her. I was in a needless war against my true self and her. I was trying to stand against all that the mother had deemed right for me.

You ask why I did this? Where did this idea come from? What made me feel that I was so much better than she? I can think of no other explanation than it has come from the place where all wrong, dark, twisted thoughts originate-Straight from the Wyrm. I was weak minded. I was blind, and I fell from Gaia's grace."

Zas's tone then changes into one of inspiration, drive, and determination. So strong are these feelings that the local wildlife had stopped their out of sync chirps and squeaks and cries and had begun to act in unison. Even the clear headed theurge had trouble not being swept away in the raw savage passion that gushed from the philodox like a powerful river as he spoke. "Yet, rather than my destruction she has chosen to forgive me. She has given me this second chance to correct my ways, to seek redemption. She has instilled in me the mindset of what is needed-the spirit of the wolf. She has given me clarity and focus. She has allowed me to see our foes once more. She has reminded me of my purpose-to be one who calls down judgement on the fallen, the disgraced, and the Unrighteous. I will not waste this. I will not resist her true calling for me...ever again."

Zoe smiled at her Garou brother and placed a hand between his shoulder blades.

"I am proud of you, Zas Bul. I'm sure we all at times fight who Gaia made us to be, but you are wise to see your wrongs and correct them. There is still a place for mercy in judgment and there is wisdom in not making a rash, uninformed decision. We all want to honor Gaia and serve her fully. We may need your help to keep us on our given paths, but nipping and chasing are not the only ways to do so."

She looked back toward the pack's camp and sighed. "You may wish to clarify your revelation with Kefka. He was very concerned when you two first spoke."

Zas nods once in understanding and acknowledgement of Zoe's words, but his face grows concerned.

"I hear what you say, Hears-the-Song, but giving mercy to our enemies or those that refuse to repent from their wickedness is something I cannot do. Something I will not do."

Zas then looks at her with sincerity as he says "Giving mercy in my judgements to my fellow Garou brethren has the potential to cause us to stumble, to allow us to grow weak. I will not allow this, but I concede to your point about withholding judgement until I have all the facts. This is wise. In and of itself, I think waiting to make a just decision is both honorable and merciful. I will do this."

Zas then rolls his shoulders forward as he says while growing again more wild, "Whenever possible, I will be civil. I will do my best to correct you at opportune times in the nicest way possible..but we are at war. Nipping and Harrying after you may not be your preferred methods or the most pleasant ways of correction but they are effective means to an end. If it comes between allowing you to be trapped in the wyrm's claws or using these unpleasant means, I will use them. Given that war is not kind and does not wait on our schedule, convenience is a luxury I feel we will not always have. I therefore felt it prudent to give you fair warning of these things as they will likely come to pass."

Zas then bows his head to Zoe and says with a smile, "I intend to speak with Mocks the Night again. I do wish to share my clarity with him as I have with the rest of the pack. His concern is good. This means he still will hear me."

Zas then stretches as he says, "Thank you for your wise words. I will take what you have said under advisement. Unless you have more to say, I think I will go hunt."

Zoe nods. "That is sufficient for now. Enjoy your hunt, brother."

She watches as he shifts forms and races off into the night. She too makes her way into the quiet darkness but her goal is to refresh herself spiritually instead of physically.