Venting Frustrations

After successfully returning the group to the physical realm, Zoe stalks off to the edge of the caern and up the deer path without a word to the others, though her body language conveys a mixture of annoyance, frustration, and helplessness. In her mind this night had provided nothing more than confusion and more presently unanswerable questions.

The group was still at an impasse regarding packing up, working with Chief Bowl, ousting Papa Stagecoach, or waking the bear spirit. The decisions were only being made more complicated by the arrival of a fifth letter-bearing Garou, having to walk on egg shells around the Chief because of our initial meeting, Papa's ability to communicate long distance, and the fact that waking the bear would not simply allow for communication with him but would result in him taking his 'rightful' place as the caern totem. Red Oath would never forgive them for ruining her business ventures and overthrowing her caern totem, who in all honesty was likely the totem when her father was here as well.

And if all of that was not confusing enough, the quick-tongued ragabash getting on Zoe's last nerve. Hears-the-Song prefers to take her time and think before making decisions, even the decision to speak, but the ragabash must always have the first word, giving Zoe no time to think for herself.

"Go into the umbra, Zoe," she snarls with derision.

"Really, Mocks? I was thinking we'd just head into the center of town and summon the bear there. That would be best, don't you think?"

Zoe inhales deeply and releases it in a sharp exhale. The ragabash was only doing what he does best, she would simply have to think faster or let Mocks have the first say every time.

Hears-the-Song recalls their brief time in the penumbra with additional frustration. Here she was, trying to do the right thing by Gaia and the caern by exploring all options and she summons the one spirit who could oust her beloved caern spirit without batting an eye. Perhaps she was not giving Papa enough credit, but he didn't appear to be the fighting type.

Kostas was also disappointed in herself as a theurge in that she was unable to answer Mocks' question concerning how to deal with a charging spirit that we did not wish to harm.

All in all Zoe was entirely frustrated with herself and the situation, but she had taken most of that out on the group's ragabash, who was not deserving of such treatment and instead deserved an apology.

Zas Bull's words rang in her ear.

An insincere apology is merely empty words.

Zoe nods to the voice in her head before turning back down the deer path toward the fast approaching Mocks and Leper-Friend.

"Excuse me, Kefka. May I speak to you in private?"

Her tone of voice and body language carry none of her initial irritation. She sincerely regrets her behavior from earlier that night.

Mocks eyes her with an eyebrow raised, opens his mouth to talk, then closes it and nods his head in agreement. Zoe leads him to the clearing where she had met with Gaia a few hours earlier, just off the deer path, but providing them privacy from the others. Zoe takes a deep breath before diving in.

"Let me start by saying I'm sorry, Kefka, for snapping at you multiples times this evening. I am extremely frustrated by the situation as a whole and I am sorry that you bore the brunt of my anger."

As she talks she paces back and forth restlessly. She stops for a moment, gazing up at the moon, before releasing a sigh and continuing her pacing.

"Tonight was supposed to be an intel gathering mission and I felt as if Gaia was blocking us at every turn. We wanted to speak to Bowl; he was asleep. We can't use Rends' knife because he must sacrifice three dreams to it over three sleep cycles and he has yet to sleep since, well, since I have met him. So the trek to the village was a waste of time."

"We were having a hard enough time deciding whether or not to form a pack and now we have a fifth Garou with a letter to consider. And another native at that, which I'm sure Sylvester is just thrilled about. And even though Coyote himself has summoned us together to be a pack in his name, you still seem unconvinced of Gaia's desire to make a pack of us. But I don't wish to discuss that now."

Zoe's gestures become more animated as she continues her tirade of the disaster that was the previous few hours.

"And now with the bear spirit nonsense, if we awaken the bear, we lose what little control we may have had over the situation as he will go and take his place as the caern totem whether we like it or not. Red Oath clearly does not wish this and we would be responsible for turning the caern upside down in both the spirit and physical realms."

Zoe sighs deeply yet again as she sinks down into the dew-covered grass.

"You looked to me for guidance in the umbra and I had no clue what to do or tell you to do. The one thing I am responsible for - the safe passage of my group through the umbra - and I cannot even accomplish that. I seek Gaia's wisdom and all I reap is more confusion."

Zoe shakes her head and looks down at the ground, having exhausted her words and her emotions.

Mocks watches in reverant silence as Song has her breakdown. Afterwards he sits beside her and pats her on the back. "It's okay, truly." He stares at her awkwardly. "Thank you." He flops backwards to where he is laying down. He stares at the night sky in all it's majesty.
"We are in a heap of trouble. There ain't no clear sign from Gaia on what is best. Perhaps we should enjoy these times... If Gaia is not pushing us to do a certain thing, then it means whatever we decide to do she can work with and act through. Either way we win, because either way Gaia is happy." He pauses for a few minutes before again breaking the silence. "I don't feel Gaia was stopping us at every turn. Seems to me that would be counterproductive, we do live to serve her. I mean I realize that for some reason I got chosen to be a garou...but we shouldn't count that against her and begin doubting our good mother." he chuckles. "I think it was our own foolishness that impeded us...we did all kind of forget that Chief Bowls is about four thousand years old...he probably goes to bed at around 5 every night...and we younguns just got no sense stayin up all night doin who knows what." Mocks quiets down after that and just enjoys the splendor of the night sky.

Zoe's eyes grow wide as she releases a slight whimper. She turns and looks at Mocks, who stares up at the sky with peace in his eyes.

"How can you be so relaxed about all of this? Just because I have not discerned Gaia's will does not mean she does not have specific intentions for us. What if I haven't meditated enough? What if I am too dense or too stupid to understand her leading? I have only known of my station as a Garou and theurge for a month. What do I know about discerning Gaia's will?"

Zoe sighs and shakes her head. Her eyes flit up into the night sky and are met with Luna's light.

"Four thousand years old, you say? He doesn't look a day over three thousand and ninety."

Without turning her gaze from the night sky, a smirk crosses her face.

"In we younguns' defense, Garou things, especially dealings in the umbra, do work best at night." She shudders. "Believe you me, Kefka. You do not want to be in the umbra during the daytime if it is at all possible to avoid doing so. Luna's light does not shine and neither does the sun's. It is eerie and downright dangerous."

"Oh I believe you Song, and not just because that was my first time in the Umbra." he chuckles. "I am relaxed because I choose to be. No sense in getting all worked up yet until we know our path. This is the time to be slow and methodical. The time to think and explore. We were granted 2 days to find a solution, and I aim to take the whole of the 2 days. Then when we have a set heading we barrel down full force." Mocks turns and looks at Zoey as he stands up. "Don't deal in "ifs" and what you could have done Song. Focus on what you have done and press forward." Mocks stands up and walks over to Hears the Song, and holds a hand out to help her up. "Also bear in mind Song...you aren't alone. You have me, Zas, Rends, Leper Friend, and Laughing Stranger. In fact if you like... Don't think about what you can do. Think about what WE can do. We are serving Gaia right alongside you, no reason to be down. That is why I am relaxed." Mocks smiles at Song who is still sitting on the ground.

Zoe smiles as she takes his hand and rises to her feet. She releases a genuine sigh of relief as she studies the content look on the face of her friend.

"You're right, Kefka. Whether or not we are a pack, we are a team and a unit, working together as one to accomplish a common goal."

Her gaze drops to the ground as she sniffs out a short laugh, shaking her head in amusement.

"To be honest, I think part of my outburst earlier was caused by me feeling like I was competing with the rest of you to come up with the best idea or the perfect plan. I was upset when you all threw out suggestions without giving me a chance to think, but in hindsight, I am grateful for others with whom I can brainstorm and whose perspectives do not always look just like mine."

Zoe looks up at the moon and yawns. "We should probably be getting back to Harriet's so we can get some rest before heading out to Bowl's village. Rest, as in closed eyes, unconscious sleep, Romeo," Zoe adds with a smirk as she heads back to the path and up toward Papa's road.