All Wrapped Up in a Messy Bow

After the narrow escape from Akna's realm, Zoe made her way to each of her packmates to assess their injuries. Though her lack of spiritual energy prevented her from providing any supernatural healing, she provided whatever superficial care she could. She honestly felt a bit guilty for not taking any damage during their fights beyond the horizon.  The last packmate she approached was Rends-the-Gar.

"Hello, brother.  How did you fare in the fight against the false firebird?  Are your wounds healing properly?  How is your mind?  I felt intellectually impared in there; it was quite disconcerting. It seems to have rectified itself now."

She smirked and sniffed out a quiet laugh. "I can't believe we did it - well, you Eaton, Zas, and the Talons did it. Mocks and I didn't do much, but it all worked out alright, don't you think?  Well, aside from these damn curses and our deplorable reputation among the spirits now."

Zoe turned her head toward the north and sighed.

"So,I guess now we get Kaermode set up in the caern here then head out to join Jack's war? I could really use a break for a bit to regain some spiritual energy and just have some time to think, you know?"

Rends is sitting on a large rock, staring off into the distance. His usually industrious hands lay still on his lap. He doesn't acknowledge Zoe at first, then jumps just slightly at her final question. He turns to his packmate, slightly dazed.

"Oh, uh, sorry Zoe. Wan't really payin' attention. What'dja say?"

Zoe laughs and shakes her head before taking a seat on a smaller nearby rock.

"You alright there, brother? It's not too often I catch you deep in thought."

She winks playfully before continuing.

"Seriously, though, I was just wondering how you're doing physically, intellectually, spiritually, the whole gamut. I was also curious about your plans for the pack going forward from this point if we were to finally join up with Jack or what."

Rends still seems distracted, so Zoe tags one last thought.

"Or we could just talk about whatever's on your mind."

He lets out a big sigh, mussing his hair before he replies.

"Zoe, what do you fight for? I mean aside from duty or honor or even faith in Gaia. When you're not keeping the rest of us alive, what keeps you movin' to the next spot we go to?"

Zoe opens her mouth to respond then shuts it as her brow furrows. She turns her head toward the ground, resting her elbows on her knees, but Rends can still see her eyes flit back and forth almost as if reading something complex written in the stony dirt. Finally, she looks up at the Ahroun, though her face registers no sense of peace or certainty.

"I honestly don't know, Rends. I mean, I guess when I was growing up an orphan I fought, in a manner of speaking, to stay alive, stealing food and clothing, hiding out in small, dark spaces, staying one step ahead of the police. Then in school I had to fight to stay on top of my studies because I was at a disadvantage starting so late."

She narrows her eyes as she looks directly into Rends' face.

"But that's not the same kind of fighting, is it? Honestly, I struggle to find reason to keep fighting some days. With so few Garou in the Nation and so many enemies to fight, it all seems so hopeless and pointless. Ever since I met you all it's like Gaia just keeps putting us in situations where we have no choice but to keep on fighting. But damn that's exhausting, fighting without a real reason."

Zoe is quiet for a moment as she tries to conjure up at least one good reason to keep on going, aside from the ones he'd already listed off.

"I guess I keep fighting in order to honor my father's legacy, especially now since it seems to have been all but forgotten. The Kostas name needs to be returned to Garou lore, either by my actions or by my finding record of my father's actions. Being the only living Kostas I know, that burden falls to my shoulders alone."

Rends nods in understanding, scratching at his chin.

"Ya, that makes sense. I jest..."

He looks over his shoulders, making sure there's nobody nearby to listen in.

"I been feelin' like fightin' its self ain't enough lately. Like they's more to it and I'm missin' out somehow. My family's all dead except maybe my Pa and I'm likely to kill him myself if we ever meet again. Everyone I grew up with is dead. Y'all is my only family now, but I feel like they should be more outside of the war and the pack. I dunnow."

Zoe purses her lips as if she does not agree.

"Outside of the war, perhaps, but outside of the pack, I'm not so sure. I know we chose to form a pack and therefore could choose to disband it, but it really does seem pretty permanent...to me at least. Though my mother may still be out there and I O'Toole still seems to be interested in my wellbeing, if I ever had to choose between them and the pack - Gaia forbid - I would..."

Zoe fails to finish the thought as she consciously considers ever having to choose to sacrifice one of her brothers to save her mother or O'Toole or vice versa.

"I pray it never comes to that."

The raven-haired woman looks intently at the young man sitting across from her.

"Do you have any ideas as to what more might be out there to motivate you to keep on? If not family, the war, or the pack? What motivates normal folks? Money? Power? Reputation? Land? Sex? That all seems pretty shallow if you ask me."